live life live

Not to hide, but to gaze straight at it. Truth. To see how my own life reflects in it. Having been in Oslo for the better part of four weeks now, I have come to face the facts. At first, I did not want to see it, then I was blinded by tears, but now I begin to see reality.

Presently, I spend my days at the MRSA ward. I have lovely work mates, kind patients who are patient with my stumbling Norwegian, a good boss, better pay than ever, and, since a few weeks back I’m living somewhere for free. I have all the time in the world to wander out in the woods and get lost and find my way back again. Nor have I felt much loneliness, as Father has kept me company. Life has been simplified, stripped of stress. All is well and there is nothing to distract me any longer – I am indeed face to face with the fact that I do not enjoy my profession. Nor do I think I ever truly did. Now I see it clearly.

Am I allowed to make mistakes? Or, rather, to take a new turn? Am I truly NOT destined to stay in the same ward for forty years? Is it so, that I may walk out the door?

My boss was quite understanding, and firmly stated that life is too short for one to do something one does not want. Although I have not yet resigned, I have encouraged her to find my replacement. This Lady Éowyn shall be moving on in the near future. This might not be a great surprise to some of you, faithful readers, who have perhaps seen this coming all along. Where to, the Lady knows not.

Now, what’s next? Who knows but the Lord, and He is silent and only smiles. I know I want to bring healing; deep, true, life altering healing in the depths of souls. Health, healing, holiness, and wholeness – or, sanctification. Antonovsky writes that health is to have a sense of coherence (SOC). (Find out more about ‘salutogenesis’ on wikipedia) To attain a sense of coherence, and health, a person needs to increasingly experience meaningfulness, manageability and comprehensibility. That’s what I want to bring about, not just to place a band aid on a cut.