Lately lots of stuff’s been happening, altho I cannot define many of them.
For one, I’ve accepted a job offer in Oslo, Ammerudlundens Sykehjem, where I’ll take care of ladies with MRSA – and go hiking a lot! On that note, yes, I am now the proud VMPL Mommy of a brand new trangia! I shall call it Galli-Leo.
Other things. Tears. Lots of them. And friends to share them with. I will not close my heart to emotion, and pain is one. This is one way the pain is displayed and shared. And it feels wonderfully strong and feminine at the same time. Thank yous for hugs and love even as I cannot define what bubbles up in me. Makes be think of butterflies, they just get this urge, an undefined need of …something. And they break through their puppa, leaving what they know for what they have no promises about. I, however, have promises: God’s plan to take care of me, not abandon me, to give the future I hope for.
The reality of leaving this place with all the wondrous people and trees and river and BC’s and neighbours is dawning upon me. But in order to recieve new things one has to let go of the things one is holding on to. And every end is a begining of something new. I just feel I’ll lose so much, I find it hard to trust it will still remain in some shape or form, and that I am indisplaceable. I am however begining to relax more in my relationships, but do I trust other’s commitment?? I found a song that comforts me, I chose not to take it as morbidly as one could. And I concider the ‘you’ as being in plural. I think God reminded me of this song in his preparing me to say ’see ya’. Reminding me of the wonderful ever lastingness of life.
It’s been good to be in Turku. I am however looking forwards to go somewhere compleatly different, to be taken out of my usual surroundings and see what’s left of me. Sort of test what God has turned me into during the last few years. I will not shut down. That would be a victory for someone who is already defeated.
